I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
