I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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