Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
