I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
