I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
