i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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