Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
