So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize