He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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