I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
