Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
