You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
