thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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