i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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