hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
