My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
