Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
