Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
