She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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