Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
