They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
