If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
