He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
