i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
