I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
