Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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