mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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