I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
