She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
