Sponge bath it is.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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