they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
