there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
