i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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