Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Even my vagina gasped.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
