i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
