Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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