I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
