Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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