We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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