if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
