Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize