Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
