paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
P.S. I can't hear my feet
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
