before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
