Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
