I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
