it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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