hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize