We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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