i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
