yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize