I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
