i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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