O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You are the jesus of drinking
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
