i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
