she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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