just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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