so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
