that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
