Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
