eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
