The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
