So drunk its hurt
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
