like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
