mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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