I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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