I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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