im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
pray to the hookup gods
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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