my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
