He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
