i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
