im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
