did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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