im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
