i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
