I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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