I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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