Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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