I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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