i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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