I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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