I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do vagina's smell?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
