you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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