i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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