You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You were trust falling into bushes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize