these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
