I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
