Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
