Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
