The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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