Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
